God''s Power Has Set Me Free from Game-room and Panic Disorder
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 13912 |
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March 25, 2008 |
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 ~ Tae-Seung Yang (Gwangju Manmin Church)
At the age of 25 back in 1995, I made an investment in a multilevel business and failed miserably. I subsequently suffered from panic disorder ("a type of anxiety disorder characterized by unexpected panic attacks that last minutes or, rarely, hours"; www.kmle.com) from the shock from the failure. Sky turned yellow and I was constantly short-winded, as if my heart were being sucked inward. My tongue twisted, lips dried up, and I felt as though the flow of my blood had reversed. The pain subsided after taking the prescribed drugs but I knew I could not live a day without the drugs.
I had trouble associating with people and was always seized by anxiety. Looking for something I could do on my own, I began collecting scrap. Searching side streets and alleys here and there, I recovered a variety of waste articles and the income was actually not too bad. A rather high income made it fun for my wife (Young-Sook Bae) and me and we searched for scrap day and night. We even set up a secondhand shop and began saving large amounts of money.
Life ruined by game room; heading to mental institution
In the early summer of 2002, an uninvited guest came my way. I started setting my foot in the game room, which was at the time a popular trend of sort. I had always indulged myself in drinking, smoking, and gambling, and womanizing, and now that I had enough money, I had greater luxury and opportunities indulge myself in a new area.
As soon as I earned money, I was on my way to the game room. There were more days on which I lost money than I won. That's when I lost all of my senses. I began selling my wife's personal ornaments without her knowledge and broke my son's piggy bank to play games. I borrowed money from anyone who would lend me money and even took out a loan but I kept losing money.
"Where did you hide the money? Give it to me! Give it to me now!"
"What money? I really don't have any now!"
When I lost money, I "vented" by beating my wife and returned to the game room after threatening her for more money with a knife. On days I did win some money, I went straight to a bar. Lost in the world, I was no different from a beast.
I had vowed time and again never to return to the game room but I could not do it with my might alone. When pleading and other methods failed to work to dissuade me, my wife admitted me to a mental institution 6 times.
Pleadings of love bring forth courage in life and transformations
In Spring 2005, Deaconess Boo-Nyuh Kwak introduced and led me to Manmin Church. Upon hearing that God's power and works of healing were manifested there, I followed her to Gwangju Manmin Church. I had always been afraid of the fact that my life was so dependent on drugs to deal with the panic disorder.
Even after I began going to church, I still drank and smoked, living a life completely irrelevant to the Word. Vowing to be healed by faith on many occasions, I would stop the drug treatments but in fear, I resumed the treatments. I lost all strength and turned my back on the church.
The next time I visited Gwangju Manmin was in September 2007, when I learned that Deaconess Boo-Nyuh Kwak had been fasting in tears for a year and a half for my family. During a Friday All-night Service, "The Lectures on Revelation" was in progress and when I heard about the calamities during the last days, I was seized by fear, as I thought to myself, 'If I keep living this way, I can only end up in hell.'
Gwangju Manmin's Pastor Hyung-Ryul Park and church workers devoted a month to visit me at home every day to pray for me. I was given courage; I wanted to live a new life. I began listening to Rev. Dr. Jaerock Lee's "The Message of the Cross" messages, enrolled in the Manmin Bible Academy, and made every effort to know God. I soon found myself paying close attention to the messages, which felt like honey from the comb.
True faith, however, could not be possessed by my willpower and desire alone. Even as I was listening to the Word, I still befriended the world, kept going to the game room, and could not quit drinking and smoking. I knew I shouldn't but I kept going back to there. My wife shed tears whenever she saw me doing this, especially after it appeared as though I had vowed to begin anew.
"Honey, please stop! Let's try and believe in God. I really love you."
Her words moved my heart. I vowed once again to quit smoking and drinking. As I prepared myself to receive prayer from Senior Pastor Rev. Dr. Jaerock Lee, I prayed to God in tears and with a repentant heart. When I remembered each of the times when sinned against Him, I was so embarrassed and regretted them all.
In December 2007, I came to Seoul and saw the Senior Pastor from a close range for the first time, and I could not bring myself to look at him straight in the eye. With all my mind and all my heart, I received the Senior Pastor's prayer. After that, I stopped smoking, drinking, and going to the game room.
Blessings in a life reborn
It was a day when the income at the secondhand shop was high. With my pocket was full of money, I asked myself, 'Hmm, should I go to the game room?'
'No! I even received prayer from the Senior Pastor! I can't do that! I must put an end to it for good.'
"Around 11 o'clock this morning, a fire broke out at a game room in Geumho-dong, Gwangju. Four people were killed and 5 more were injured when they tried to escape the fire by jumping out of a window."
I nearly froze when I saw the news on television. The place where the fire broke out was the game room I had frequented and the day of the fire was the day when I overcame the urge to go there. When I became convinced that all this had happened not by chance but because God had protected me, I gained greater faith and was grateful for His love.
"Daddy! It's so nice that you don't smell like cigarettes!"
Since I have quit smoking and drinking, my son Dong-Sun, who had been hesitant even with the idea of approaching me in the past, does not hesitate to hug me. No longer worried sick over me, there is always a smile on my wife's face. She often says she would like to carry me around on her back. How glad must she be to say things like that? I only want to give joy and happiness to my family who has suffered for too long because of me.
The first thing I do when I get up every morning is to pray to God on my knees in gratitude. Then I listen to the Senior Pastor's 3-minute recorded message and his prayer. The source of joy for me as of late has been going to "The Daniel Prayer Meetings" every evening with my wife and son. On Saturdays, I enjoy and marvel at having received a new life by assisting with the cleaning of the sanctuary.
The panic disorder that I had suffered for 13 years disappeared at some point without knowing, and anthropophobia also disappeared completely. Instead of avoiding people, I share my testimonies with many people and testify to God to them.
I give all thanks and glory to God and would also like to express my sincere gratitude to the Senior Pastor for having led me to meet this good God of ours. Hallelujah!
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