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I Feel So Happy Being Set Free from Anthrophobia That Troubled Me for 40 Years
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November 20, 2011 |
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 Sister Yoko Miyoshi (Osaka Manmin Church in Japan)
"Am I really a precious being?"
I was raised in difficult surroundings. I was easily hurt by others' words due to my inferiority complex. I often used to get angry and blame others. I knew it was not good for me but I repeated it again and again. To make matters worse, I was broken-hearted seeing myself repeatedly thinking and acting like I did and I even felt guilt-ridden because of it.
On August 6, 1978, I was guided to the church for the first time. At that time, I received a church leaflet where a Bible verse was written. It was Matthew 11:28 saying, "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest." I thought the verse was there just for me and thought to myself, 'I just can't live like this anymore.' I wanted to renew myself and finally accepted the Lord. I became a Christian.
To my surprise, afterwards, I no longer felt guilty. However, I couldn't get rid of scar deep in my heart. I kept asking myself questions such as 'Is it really a good thing for me to have been born on this earth?' 'Why can't I just get back off this world?' and 'Am I really a precious being to God?' As I habitually attended church thinking like that, thirty years passed.
After I attended Handkerchief Healing Meeting in Osaka
In July 2010, I received a phone call from a friend. She asked me to attend a Handkerchief Healing Meeting being held in Osaka, Japan. She had prayed for my health. On the train from Tokyo to Osaka, I was filled with inexpressible emotions. I heard a voice three times from deep in my heart saying "I've been waiting for you". The love of the Lord covered my whole body and I almost burst into tears.
I arrived at Osaka Manmin Church and I was singing in the congregation. The beautiful lyrics were so touching that I could not express my feeling and joy with words. "The heart given by God is a beautiful heart. It's the heart that understands and can accept anything. The heart given by God is a wonderful heart. It's the heart void of ego and centered on truth. It's the heart that willingly makes sacrifice. It's the heart that insists not on itself. It's the heart of the meekest and humblest of men. It's the heart of our Savior and our Lord."
I enjoyed every single word and came to long for such a beautiful and good heart. Speaker Pastor Guntae Kim, who ministers to Maizuru Manmin Church, preached the message and prayed for the sick with the handkerchief on which Dr. Jaerock Lee had prayed (Acts 19:11-12). Pastor Changmi Lee of Osaka Manmin Church also prayed for us. I felt peace like in the arms of Father God and I was filled with expectations for my life's future.
Back in Tokyo, I realized the love of God once more. After the handkerchief prayer in Osaka, I was relieved of my backache that had troubled me for six years. It had gone away completely. Through such an experience I came to offer sincere thanks to God thinking "God definitely loves me and gives me blessings!" I was eventually set free from thoughts of darkness that had caused me to doubt my value.
Listening to Dr. Jaerock Lee's messages
From that time on I listened to Dr. Jaerock Lee's messages through Internet (www.manmin.or.kr/JAPANESE). He was urging listeners to live by the Word written in the Bible. It impressed me quite strongly. I also felt his love when saw him shed tears while talking about the crucifixion of the Lord and dying souls. I was convinced that I can go to Heaven if he is my shepherd.
I met the true Word of life, and in June 2011 I moved to Osaka to attend Osaka Manmin Church. Peace and joy I had never experienced before overflowed in my heart. In August I even visited Manmin Central Church in Seoul to participate in the Manmin Summer Retreat that was held for three days. I experienced the love of God greatly and came home.
I was set free from anthrophobia after my visit to Korea
On August 7, I was talking to my friend in church. All of a sudden, she cried saying "You are making eye contact with me!" For the past 40 years I had never been able to make direct eye contact with anyone. My heart was so stained by an inferiority complex and hatred that it made it impossible for me to look into others' eyes while talking with them. I used to think they hated me and were able to read my thoughts if I made eye contact with them, so I talked with my head down. But at this particular time I was making eye contact with my friend. It was amazing to both of us. I had a good look at her face for the first time and she looked very beautiful. I was set free completely from anthrophobia.
There is one thing I experienced in Korea that struck me at that time. On the third day of Manmin Summer Retreat, I paid a visit to Muan Sweet Water Site where salty sea water was changed into fresh sweet water by Dr. Lee's earnest prayer. Many people in and out of Korea have visited the site. When I looked up at the sky, I felt the voice of the Lord who said 'I know you are there.' My heart pounded with His love and tears ran down my face without ceasing. I think God healed the scar in my heart and let me make eye contact with others.
I give thanks to the Lord who allowed me to realize what the true purpose of life is and how valuable my life is through the power of God and the love of God in the holiness gospel.
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