"Darkness was driven away after I met the Lord of love"
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 14530 |
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June 22, 2014 |
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Sister Eunsuk Kim (aged 34, 2-15 Parish in South Korea)
Six months after I delivered my first baby in 2009, illness of the mind swept over me. I felt very depressed while raising my child. I often argued with my husband. He was a kind, diligent, and sweet man to me, but I criticized him saying he didn't understand the depth of my heart and it led to big arguments.
I had grown up seeing frequent conflicts between parents and suffered because of their divorce. I wanted to keep my family and tried hard. But the trauma in my heart formed hatred and anger. My efforts ended in vain constantly.
I didn't want to pass the pain that I had suffered down to my loving child. I tried in desperation. I read dozens of books on psychology and tried hard to settle down mentally even by relying on people who are in the similar situation.
However, such efforts worked only for the moment. Once hatred and resentment towards my parents arose from my heart, I couldn't control the burning anger.
To be freed from anger and depression caused by the wound that was like a hole in the depths of my heart
I went to a famous psychiatrist and received counseling, EMDR therapy which is trauma treatment, and medicine treatment. I no longer got angry but I didn't feel pleased and joyful either.
While taking medicine, I didn't argue with my husband and got along with him on the outside, but the side effects of the medicine caused me to have stomachache and feel empty-headed. But if I skipped taking medicine, anger arose and I argued with my husband. I had to take the medicine again.
During the summer of 2013, I thought that to see my child grow up well I would have to find a way of survival no matter what I had to do. At that time, I already knew that the wound in my heart couldn't be healed with my husband's love and with the ways of medicines. Eventually, reaching the end I thought about finding God.
I had never prayed in my entire life, but I wanted to pray in church. I thought God might know my heart that nobody understood and asked Him about things like "Why had such parents been chosen for me? Why did I have to suffer? Is there any way to solve my problems?"
Meantime, I said to one of my neighbors, "I should go to church". Then she said "Come with me to my church". I willingly went to church. In the end, on July 28 in 2013, I registered in Manmin Central Church.
After a month of going to church, I went to the Dawn Prayer Meeting. There I received the Holy Spirit, and shed tears of repentance. Afterwards, I felt relieved and joyfully kept the whole Sabbath and attended Friday All-night Service and Daniel Prayer Meeting. Two weeks later, I had a dream.
In the dream, I looked at myself in the mirror and there was a white bug on my forehead. It was a long bug, perhaps 5cm in length and a millimeter in width. I felt really it was so nasty and grabbed it and pulled on the bug. Then the bug stuck to my forehead and seemed like it had taken root. A 20 to 30cm body came out from my forehead! The root of it shone with blue-colored light.
I didn't know at that time, in September 2013, but it was about the second level of healing power with its blue light that was healing me of depression. I eventually came to have the right to become God's child.
I found the fundamental reason of depression in the Word of God and repented, then…
I tried my best to heal my trauma by listening to sermons. Particularly, I listened attentively to Dr. Lee's main sermon series such as 'Love Chapter' and 'Nine Fruits of the Holy Spirit' and made them part of my heart.
His messages taught me that my problem was caused by evil in my heart and it touched my heart. So whenever I felt the urge to blame the world, others, and parents, I prayed to cast away resentment, complaints, ill feelings, and hatred.
I attended Daniel Prayer Meeting held every night and prayed to God saying, "I want to repent thoroughly of my sins." Then, the fire of the Holy Spirit came down from above and the work of thorough repentance poured down upon me. I prayed so earnestly that I was soaked all over my body with sweat and then I became joyful and peaceful. I could feel the love of God and mercy of the Lord.
I realized that the cause of all problems had been me. I rather felt sorry because of what I did to my parents, husband, and child whom I had given hard time to. I realized it from my heart and decided to do better for my child, husband, and parents. I earnestly wanted to be forgiven of my past wrongdoings.
I made up my mind to give spiritual love and true love that doesn't change in any kind of situation. In order to change completely, I have been trying my best and running with the help of the Holy Spirit.
Now darkness was driven away from my family and we became peaceful. My child is very positive, bright, and wise. He is now attending Manmin Kindergarten. My husband attends Sunday Services. Above all, he is considerate of me and helps me lead my Christian life well because he felt so thankful for my changes. I give all thanks and glory to God who allowed me to find true happiness.
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