"The Trial Was a Blessing"
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 15423 |
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May 31, 2015 |
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Senior Deaconess Jinhee Kim, giving a special praise, age 53, Parish 12
My dream vanished, so in emotional disorder, I just drank alcohol and played 'Go-Stop'
My parents often argued because my father drank a lot of alcohol, gambled, and had affairs. When my mother was angry, she used to beat me up. I hated this situation I was in and from the 11th grade, I lived in my aunt's house. Nonetheless, I had a dream; I wanted to be a singer because I liked to sing.
With the dream in heart, I started to work. Meantime, I met a man who warmly cared for me. He said he would help me be a singer, and we got married. Contrary to my expectations, my husband was a hot-tempered man. He often got angry when things didn't go as he had planned. I was also a conceited woman with a strong ego. So we kept arguing and arguing.
Far from my dream, I even came to suffer an emotional disorder. When my husband was at home, I was nervous and my heart was beating. To forget the reality, I drank a lot of alcohol and played 'Go-Stop' with stakes that were quite high.
I met the living God and achieved my dream in the Lord
In July 1988, I was guided to Manmin Central Church by Senior Deaconess Jungrye Ma who is my sister-in-law. In the church, the members warmly welcomed me, for which I was grateful. I liked to listen to Senior Pastor Dr. Jaerock Lee's message.
When I was in the church, I felt peaceful. But back at home, my life remained the same. I drank alcohol and played Go-Stop again.
In May 1995, there was Special Revival Meeting led by Senior Pastor. I listened to the word of life and witnessed many believers healed of their diseases. As God's Word entered my heart, my faith grew up. Naturally I stopped drinking alcohol and playing Go-Stop. I was healed of my emotional disorder.
As I wanted to be a singer, I also liked singing praises. So I joined Golden Light Choir which consists of Women's Mission's members.
In 1999, I became Financial Director of Crystal Singers of Performing Arts Committee. In 2002, I became a soloist of the committee. I give special praises in worship services or the church events. God blessed me to achieve my dream in the Lord. Hallelujah!
I discovered deep wounds in my heart and ill feelings, and I was healed of menopausal symptoms
In 2012, I even became President of my mission group in Women's Mission. But I was troubled because I had no true peace in my heart. My husband became easily enraged and showed his discomfort. I was also dissatisfied with my children. But when I came to church, I was happy. While working for God's kingdom, I could forget the reality in my life.
In 2013, I began suffering involutional depression. Even in the second half, I even had insomnia. I was in pain. The deep wounds in my heart created a larger gap between my husband and me.
I suffered from many kinds of thoughts without a wink of sleep during the night. I didn't want to eat nor have hope for my life. I found it hard to bear my husband who wanted me to serve him like a secretary, not like a wife. I felt like I could understand why people committed a suicide. As I knew I would go to Hell if I committed a suicide, I didn't make an attempt; instead I wanted to go to Heaven while sleeping.
When my children didn't understand me, I felt hurt and depressed. But I still worked hard for God's kingdom with my duty, and tearfully prayed to cast away ill feeling and pride. I also received Dr. Lee's prayer for the sick after his message. In the meantime, emotional scars in my heart were healed, and depression and insomnia started to fade away.
I blamed myself for everything, and accomplished the heart of spirit
I wanted to cast off evil in my heart in earnest. I started to blame myself for everything and try to think of good things.
I started to think in my husband's shoes. 'If I had acted in a more lovely way to my husband, he would not have acted that way. He has helped me lead a good Christian life both financially and with his heart.' Then, I could understand him and love him. I was sorry about how I treated my children because their hearts were hurt because of the discord between parents. I tried to understand and serve my children, too.
As I put myself in their shoes, I concluded that all was my fault. Moreover, when I meditated on God's love, I became more earnest to cast away evil in heart.
In April 2014, finally, I was blessed to achieve the heart of spirit by God's grace. Recently I have experienced God's great love again.
I was told that I had vocal cord nodules and without surgery I would become mute, but I was healed by faith
From November 2014, I practiced high-pitched notes to be able to sing better. One day my throat was swollen and it was painful. As it was swollen more, I could not even speak. In early 2015, I was diagnosed with vocal cord nodules. My doctor said I would become mute without surgery and even with the surgery I should not speak for the next two months.
I am a praise singer, so it was a serious problem. But my heart was full of joy and happiness. Even when it seemed to get worse, I believed that I would be healed because I trusted Dr. Lee's power guaranteed by God. I believed I would glorify God with exact medical data. So I could rejoice and give thanks.
In March 2015, on the first night of Special Daniel Prayer Meeting, Dr. Lee gave a prayer of blessing for the church members by phone from his mountain prayer house. I put my hands on my throat and received the prayer. Right after the prayer, I could speak well. How amazing! A week later I went to the hospital and had my vocal cords checked again. The result showed that I was completely healed! Hallelujah!
The doctor said that I would not have recovered this much even if I had had surgery and had not spoken for two months. My voice became better and better and I even learned how to use my vocal cords. I also gained spiritual realization that I should not insist on my opinions but I needed to rely on the Holy Spirit more and serve other members with kindness.
My husband now attends worship services and even comes to help and serve with me. We can talk to each other about many problems concerning my involutional depression and him and our children. And, we pray for each other. How thankful it is!
I give all thanks and glory to God who blessed me to undergo a precious trial and gain true happiness as His child.
Before the prayer: Right vocal cord nodules with rubefaction
After the prayer: No vocal cord nodules
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