Conversation is the pathway to understanding each other's heart. Thus, you can come closer to your children when you listen attentively to them and accept them just as they are. Children sometimes express their hearts in nonsensical words, or they speak some words hard to understand in order to conceal their fear or nervousness. If they do so, we need to care for what they feel first rather than taking mind of what they say. We should unravel the situation by means of conversation.
"Can't you do anything right?" "I just knew you would do it like that again. What on earth can you do right?" "Just give it up!" "You must have hung around outside again!" If we jump to a conclusion ignoring our children's hearts in these ways, their hearts will be hurt and they will close them.
Moreover, if we always say what we want without responding to our children's words, it indicates that we do not cherish our children. It causes us and our children to become distanced from each other. In order to understand each other and build a close relationship, we should have conversation with them in love and with respect.
An experiment has been conducted on some students. Their teachers were informed that students in Class A were fairly intelligent and outstanding whereas the ones in Class B were inferior to them. In reality, the students in Class A and B were similar in the levels of intelligence at that time. A few months later, a test was given to them, and the test result was striking. It turned out that the students of Class A were far superior to those of Class B, not only in academic records but also in the personality matters. How could this happen to those who had had similar capability levels?
Even before going into Class A, teachers thought they were outstanding. Consequently they recognize their strengths and good qualities from day one. So, they often complimented the students and taught them with eager anticipation of their improvement. In return, the students lived up to the teachers' expectations and studied harder with focused interest in studies. They even came to gain greater confidence in their studies.
In Class B, however, the students' weak points and mistakes became immediately obvious to the teachers because they held the thoughts of their students' inferiority. They often pointed out the students' fault though it was just a small matter and reprimanded them. When the students show some deficiencies the teachers thought they couldn't get better than that and looked down on them with slighting remarks. Then, the students of Class B gradually lost confidence and began thinking negatively like 'We don't have anything that we do well.' Subsequently, the two classes demonstrated a large gap both in academic testing and personality development.
The same principle applies to spiritual things. Children in their growth are more susceptible to their surroundings and the people around them, unlike adults. If parents and teachers look at a child with hope, their love and expectations are naturally exposed even in a single word or involuntary facial expression.
Therefore, we have to teach and guide children with trust in and prayer for them. Then, we can establish tight trust relation with them. Furthermore, children can sense the love of God more tangibly through parents and teachers. Then, how should parents or teachers instruct children in the Lord?
Parents and Teachers Should Lead Children to Experience God and Possess Faith
We can never say that children have faith just because their parents have great faith. We also must not relax our attention toward them though they seem to obey what adults tell them to do. We need to put our interest in them all the time. We need to check if they pray well, if they offer up services with the right attitude, and if they really love God.
Of course, it does not mean that we should force them to follow all these things, but we should help and lead them to experience God's work themselves through our deeds of sowing before God like in our prayer and expression of our love. What's more, we must lead them to come closer to God and the Lord.
In addition, we had better see them with eyes full of love, serve them with the power of love, and help them change their inner hearts. We must also give encouragement to them so that they can be spiritually strengthened and pull out evil attributes deep in their natures. To do this, parents and teachers must be changed all the more and receive strength from above.
Parents and Teachers Must Help Children Remove Untruth in the Heart and Gain Spiritual Faith
Parents and teachers have to help children get rid of both negative and untruthful feelings at the same time they learn to understand their feelings. What we should know here is that we must not have bias in deciding which feeling is good or bad. If we have stereotyped them, then children can't be honest about what they really feel and they will hide it. Therefore, parents and teachers should help them not to feel shy about their feelings but help them to actively analyze and perceive what kind of feeling they have and to admit it. Though they make some mistakes we must not threaten them saying, "If you act like that you will go to Hell!" Children will obey the Word of God without any doubt if they feel that God loves them so much. Hence, we should pray to learn what can make them feel the love of the Lord more in accordance with each child's measure of faith, and teach them in and by prayer. Consequently, as said above constantly, 'Love is the only key to changing children'.
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