[Spiritual Counseling] I Want to Know the Will of God of Divorce.
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April 03, 2011 |
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Q I'm a Christian, but my unbelieving husband has persecuted me for a long time. Now we are facing the crisis of divorce. Is it acceptable before God for me to be divorced from him? I am wondering what the will of God for the divorce is.
A The 48.7% of the counseling that was conducted at the Korea Legal Aid Center For Family Relations in 2010 was concerning divorce. It is due to the change of the trend of the world, the weakening of family function and the difference of each spouse's social culture. But the believers in Christ should not choose to get divorced under the influence of the world, and they need to understand the will of God concerning divorce exactly and act by it.
The 7th chapter of the First Corinthians records in detail about marriage, divorce, remarriage and separation. 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 reads, "But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife." In these verses, the apostle Paul teaches the married believers should not get divorced as much as possible, and advises them not to marry another person after divorce but to instead live alone or to reunite with the former spouse.
The most serious will of God for the married believers is that they should not divorce except the case that one cannot lead the life worthy to gain salvation because of the other's persecution. If an unbelieving husband desires to live with his believing wife, the believing wife should not abandon him, and vice versa.
The meaning of a certificate of divorce recorded in the Old Testament
In the Matthew 19:3 onward is a scene where Jesus and the Pharisees talked about divorce. They asked Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?" (v. 3) Jesus answered, "Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate" (vv. 4-6).
They asked Him again, "Why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away?" (v. 7) Jesus explained to them the will of God, "Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery" (vv. 8-9).
If a woman and a man get married and become one flesh, God wants them to love each other unchangingly and live in happiness forever. But if the husband doesn't want to live with his wife anymore for some reason, it cannot be guaranteed that they can live in happiness, exclusively that his heart is restored. Only pains and unhappy things continually increase in their married life.
Deuteronomy 24:1 reads, "When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house." This is a safety device of God that prohibits the husband from getting involved in other women and at the same time protects the wife.
If the Word of God recorded in Romans 12:17 "Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men" had been given to the people in Old Testament times, it would have been difficult for them to obey it. It was because the Holy Spirit didn't come into their hearts and they couldn't accomplish such a love with human might. Leviticus 24:19-20 reads, "If a man injures his neighbor, just as he has done, so it shall be done to him: fracture for fracture, eye for eye, tooth for tooth; just as he has injured a man, so it shall be inflicted on him." These verses help us understand why God gave His people the Law— at least if they have fear of the law then they might not to do evil toward their neighbors.
But in New Testament times when the Lord Jesus redeemed all men from their sins and forgave them of their sins, the Holy Spirit came to dwell in their hearts and helps them accomplish the heart of Jesus Christ. When the born-again believers learn and act by the Word of God and pray fervently, they give birth to spirit by the Spirit and bear the fruit of the Spirit. Then, they become able to understand and forgive everyone, even their enemies.
Though one is allowed to give the other spouse a certificate of divorce, God ultimately wants them to be reconciled
In Matthew 5:32, Jesus said, "I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery." If a wife commits adultery, her husband is allowed to give a certificate of divorce to her.
In 1 Corinthians 7:15-17, the apostle Paul said, "Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? Only, as the Lord has assigned to each one, as God has called each, in this manner let him walk. And so I direct in all the churches."
Divorce is allowed by God only when a wife's unchaste action is revealed or when an unbelieving one wants to divorce from the other spouse. But we have to carefully consider the ultimate will of God even under those conditions. If the unbelieving husband severely persecutes the wife and threats her forcing her to choose only one of the two—God or him, she cannot betray God and forsake her faith in Him just because of fear of his persecution. If she leaves the path of faith, it means she doesn't have true faith. If she has true faith, she can overcome persecution and try her best to lead him to the path to salvation. If the persecution becomes severe up to the point of her salvation being taken away, she can choose to be separated from her unbelieving husband for some time and to pray. It is because the unbelieving husband who had claimed to get divorced out of rage may calm down and change his mind during the separation.
If a believing wife earnestly prays and does her best for the salvation of her unbelieving husband and children, God will guide to salvation not only her but also the husband and children and cause everything to work for the good of her family. Then, they can make a happy family in the Lord. God ultimately wants her whole family to become one in the love of the Lord and reach salvation.
"But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy" (1 Corinthians 7:12-14).
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