[Feature Story] Three General Principles of Dialogue for Rich and Full Life
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May 20, 2012 |
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First, Speak with Words that Are Positive, Not Negative.
Some people around us habitually use negativisms when they speak and act and react negatively. They easily say, "I can't…." "I don't …." and "I am not able to …."
When others ask a favor of them, they turn them down in the negative ways. Of course, it doesn't mean you have to accept whatever others want from you.
When asked you should try your best to help others, but when you have to turn them down, you ought to respond in a gentle voice and with an agreeable manner. Think about it once again for just a moment before you reject someone's request.
Ask yourself if you really are not able to meet the request. In the case that you can help them if you put a little more effort, make a habit of answering them with positive words like "OK , let's see how I can help you with it."
If you try to figure out their problems though you don't know them, they will feel your heart and find joy and happiness in life.
* Let's use yes-but tactic.
When a person says something or asks something of you, try to think in both positive and active ways ('Yes' tactic) and explain your situation in a kind manner and do your best to help him. ('But' tactic)
It's good to make a habit of using the 'Yes-but strategy'. When you have to reject others, you have to explain the reasons in soft and understandable ways. But you should still check if they know you feel sorry.
"I need a cup of water right now."
[Negative word]
We don't have any.
[Positive word]
The 'Yes-but strategy':
"Oh, you need some water? We don't have any here, but I can see if the office next to us has water or not. Please hold on a second."
Secondly, Use Words of Suggestion, Not Words of Command.
Some people tend to order saying, "Come here" or "Take care of this right away." Although they are ordering or commanding people, they don't realize the fact that they are doing it. This is because it is a habit they developed.
The heart of men is revealed outwardly in words and deeds. No matter how much you respect others, if you ignore them or use strong words and actions, such as body language that makes them feel subservient by your commanding manner, your words and deeds will hurt their feelings.
If you love God, you have to change your smallest habits and try hard to give out the fragrance of Christ.
* Let's use interrogative language
It's good to say in a gentle manner using "Could you do something…" or "Would you mind …" But you have to understand that this interrogative language is more effective with your consideration of the other rather than with boring repetition of the same usage.
[Imperative language]
"Mr. Rich, come here a minute."
"I want it done this way."
[Suggestion / Interrogative language]
"Mr. Rich, could you come here a minute please?"
"Would you mind doing it like this for me?"
Thirdly, Let's Use Soft Words like Cushions.
A cushion makes things feel softer by absorbing some of the external shock. When we speak of 'cushion language' it refers to soft words that make the situation natural and soft.
Let's make a habit of using many 'cushion languages' like "I am sorry but,… excuse me,… I know you are busy but,…if you are ok with it, …'
Then, people who talk to you can feel your consideration and love, so they feel respected by you.
"Give me a little help here, will you!"
['Cushion' Language]
I know you're busy, but could you please help me with this?
Such a soft and gentle word gives others happiness and even speakers become happier. In addition, if you do it from the bottom of your heart with respect and consideration, they will also be full of love.
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