A Copy of Manmin News: Mighty Force That Has Transformed Me
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March 03, 2008 |
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 ~ Deacon Dong-Ho Kang (Manager, IBM Korea; President, 1-1 Mission)
After graduating from college, I began working at International Business Machines (IBM), a world-renowned computer and software company. My life, which I expected to be a smooth sailing from that point on, was becoming increasingly tangled up.
Fear, anxiety, loss of will... completely incapable of exerting any control over my life...
"Why don't you handle the presentation of this project?"
'How in the world am I going to do that in front of scores of clients?'
My heart sank the moment I heard my boss entrusting me with the upcoming presentation of a newly developed project. Always an introvert, I even suffered from stage fright.
I had been afraid even before I began working here. Ability to give persuasive presentations in front of a large audience was the key to surviving in a fiercely competitive working environment. For me, however, it was more than a burden; it was a source of tremendous pressure.
I could barely calm myself when I took some sedatives 30 minutes prior to each presentation I gave. I realized things would get even more difficult if I relied on medication but I had no other choice.
In these repetitions of life, I became extremely sensitive and was held captive by constant restlessness, and there was no way for me to relieve the stress. My heart would beat irregularly and I found it difficult to concentrate. It was difficult to pay attention to the conversations I was having with others and oftentimes, I felt as though my head was filled with a fog and I really couldn't think of anything.
I went to see a specialist in neuropsychiatry for treatments but they were not helpful. I even followed the teachings of the Dahn Yoga Center and performed exorcism. My symptoms only seemed to worsen, however, and at those times I felt as though I had chained myself to a huge rock and was jumping into the ocean. On top of all this was a constant ringing sound in my ears that tormented me except when I was asleep. There was never a moment of peace in my life.
"I think I need to take some time off work."
By this time, I was unable to do my work, much less live a normal life. When I told my boss my intention after much deliberation, he tried to stop me at all costs.
"What are you talking about? Don't you know that you'll be at a huge disadvantage if you took time off now?
So I lived day after day, desperately trying to press down my despair. My mind and body were reaching their limits. Things didn't improve. Unable to tell whether all this was the reality in which I was living or a dream I was having, I could not see an end to it.
"Dong-Ho, what are you up doing to these days? A few of our classmates are getting together this Saturday. Do you want to..."
"I think I'll pass. Sorry. I'm really busy."
I gradually severed all my relationships. Then one day, a friend recommended that I attend church. Desperate, I visited many a church but that, too, turned out to be a vain attempt.
I even thought of ending my life.
A copy of Manmin News stuck at my neighbor's mailbox
One day in April 2002, I was trudging along my neighborhood when I caught something in the corner of my eye. It was a copy of Manmin News stuck in one of my neighbors' mailbox. My heart began to beat. I put the newspaper in my pocket, returned home, and began reading it down. "Muan Sweet Water... works of healing..." I immediately felt this church was different.
A few days later, I was to go to Singapore on business. I could not, however, get myself together to fly for many hours in an enclosed space. I became so nervous that I was unable to board the plane.
I shed tears in disbelief at how feeble I was.
Poor in spirit, I called the number for Manmin's Gang-dong Local Sanctuary on the Manmin News. After a few rings, someone picked up and Pastor Keum-Ok Choe, with whom I spoke for a few moments, visited me at home and we worshipped together. I was so grateful for this. A little later, Pastor Myung Sook Kim, 1-3 Canaan Mission Guidance Teacher advised me to join Manmin Central Church, and I followed it. I think it was Sunday, May 5 – Children's Day.
Filled with grace and joy from listening to messages
A week later, I attended "The 10th Special Two-week Revival Meeting with Rev. Dr. Jaerock Lee" and desperately clung to God. I didn't even know how to pray. When I confessed and expressed my distressed heart in tears, I was at peace.
There were so many people receiving healing that I couldn't believe what I was seeing. As I watched countless people testifying, my anxiety on which my very existence heavily depended seemed and felt incredibly small.
While listening to Dr. Lee's messages, I felt like I had met a counselor. I was dissected and given a hope for the future. As I listened to the Senior Pastor's message tapes again and again, I strove to live by the Word. Then one day, boldness began to grow within me and anxiety was no longer an issue. I felt gratitude and joy, neither of which I ever expected to experience in my life. Smile never left my face and when I was walking down the street my eyes, which had been affixed to the ground, now looked up to the sky. Flowing in my heart were the warmth of the hope for heaven and the love of our Lord.
A bold Christian trusting only in God
I can now comfortably carry on conversations with people. A consultant analyzes a variety of internal problems within companies and provides them with suggestions for improvement. Fresh ideas and good health are a must. There are many meetings to attend and presentations to give in front of large crowds.
Had I not met God, it would have been impossible for me to stay in this industry. In the heart of someone who was constantly worrying and anxious about everything and anything, God has planted boldness and peace. I did my work with the heart and the attitude to serve others. As a result, I was recognized for my dedicated work and promoted to the position of manager. I couldn't even dream of such things in the past.
Prayer has become a source of joy. From three to four months at a time, I work with different companies usually within Seoul. Therefore, whenever I begin working on a new project with a new company, the first thing I do is to look for a church at which I can pray. When I pray for half hour during lunchtime, I become immediately filled with the Spirit. God then also blesses me with new ideas and leads me to meet with good clients.
God is the only One who could transform me and joy overwhelms me as I feel His delicate touch in my life day in and day out. I give all thanks and glory to the living God.
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Manmin News 
